Thoughts on Becoming

"I have become, by certain measures, a person of power, and yet there are moments still when I feel insecure or unheard. It's all a process, steps along a path. Becoming requires equal parts patience and rigor. Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there's more growing to be done." 

- Michelle Obama

Reading Michelle Obama's memoir is a reminder of the possibilities of this country. Her life story and her role as First Lady remind us of aspects of our nation that we should embrace and uphold: diversity, love, community, family, and the importance of hard work and courage. The initiatives she supported and spread through hard work and dedication made important impacts including encouraging and educating young people about how to eat right and exercise, helping to keep the obesity rate among children from increasing. She and her husband also raised billions of dollars to help educate young women in many other countries struggling from sexist traditions and limitations on women. Overall, both Obamas helped give voice to the voiceless, upended the status quo that tended to demoralize people of color and all minorities, worked with compassion and sincerity to help lead this nation.

And where are we now in 2020? What are we becoming? It is hard to see hope in the current path our nation is on now. With around 3.9 million confirmed cases of COVID-19, the numbers starkly rising in many states, the US is one of the top 10 nations with the worst outbreaks; this is not a position to be vying for. How is our nation so divided in its control of this virus? How did medical science and mask wearing become a political statement? How is state's access to federal funding based on the president's subjective favoritism?

The wounds and trauma of this pandemic are worsened by the hateful rhetoric of the POTUS, by his belittling and condescending tone toward all people who do not think like him. Where has dignity gone? It seems like it was forced out in 2017.

With this presidency, our nation's progress toward unity and collective democracy has been hindered by racist, white supremacist vitriol, a reality that has plagued our country for centuries. However, the nationwide and world wide protests against racism and unfair policing have proved that important cultural shifts are occurring and galvanizing citizens to uphold and fight for a true democracy that represents all beings justly. As we near the presidential election in November, there is hope that more people will be empowered to vote, that voters will begin voting for the greater good of our nation rather than their individual biases, that the majority of our people will help oust a tyrannical, hateful, self-serving, unethical person from the White House.

The America we need to become is one of acceptance and justice for all, regardless of race or income. This is a process that will need to continue for generations. As Frederick Douglass once stated,
          If we ever get free
          from the oppressions and wrong heaped on us,
          we must pay for their removal.
          We must do this
          by labor,
          by suffering,
          by sacrifice,
          and if needs be
          by our lives and the lives of others.
Our progress will not be easy and will continue for a long time. But there is hope we will move toward a more united nation, free from the shackles of racism and division. We should be united in our fight against this pandemic, united in our fight for a healthier world. If we work together free from barriers and political walls, we will help ease one another's suffering, and our collective sacrifices will help bring back dignity and love to this land.

To connect back to Michelle Obama's Becoming, reading this book has been refreshing, restoring my faith in this country, helping me find a connection, however small, to what it means to be American. To me, this means rising above society's limited expectations, unfair assumptions, stereotypes, and with the support of family, finding your own way to contribute to the world. Her story asserts that all our voices need to be heard and accepted into the quilt of this nation. She is an ordinary person who was placed in an extraordinary position of the first African-American First Lady which carried countless responsibilities and incessant demands. Her invitation is important: "Let's invite one another in. Maybe then we can begin to fear less, to make fewer wrong assumptions, to let go of the biases and stereotypes that unnecessarily divide us." This book was published two years ago though these principles are even more essential today. We must commit to this process, vote out racist, divisive politicians, put power in the positive, and continue to struggle for progress.    

The Start of Summer

Rain cascaded down the forest canopy,
landing, sliding upon the roof of the shelter.
Huddled on a picnic table beneath it,
we watched the story unfold, 
mesmerized by the rising action,
the sound and silence of the setting.

Minutes. Hours. Hopes of hiking
washed away in rivulets
down to the once dry creek
now moving with water.
Rain jackets slick, inside and out.
Chilled, the children ran to the car.

Absorbed in my own solitude,
my husband in the tent with the dog,
I reached a precipice of peace.
Months of walls, screens,
tears, puddling on the ground.
The storm soothed me awake.

When it slowed, we collapsed the tents,
stuffed our sacks, packed the car.
Our clothes soaked, prospect of campfire
drowned, we returned home
after a two-hour denouement,
relieved for the washing, the purge. 

"I'm much healthier now because of artichokes" - Emerson

Here are haikus about health and school based on conversations with my kids:

Jazzy

I feel so much healthier
I eat a balanced diet
And I actually exercise

I can go at my pace
I can be in my pajamas all day
I can be around Sirius

I've learned to make more recipes
Lemon bars, chocolate chip cookies,
Stir-fried tofu, gluten free biscuits

Emerson

I literally miss school so much
When I watch a show where they are in school
the picture of school pops up in my head

Doing all this work on a computer
My head starts hurting
I don't like being on a screen for so long

I have more time to do things I enjoy
Like soccer and basketball
But it's not as fun without other people

Me

yoga in the driveway
sun salutations disrupted
by my prancing dog

jump rope
squat jumps
plank jacks

up til 1 planning lessons
stay in bed until 7
commute to kitchen

Jazzy's Poem: Spring

The loveliest season for a stroll in the park

Where spring sights and sounds arises

The blossoming of a new flower or bush

The rustling of leaves on a now wholly green tree

The butterflies and bees starting to buzz

The scent of dew from last night's shower

Our senses are consumed by all things wonderful.

The drops on the window slide,

racing one another to create a puddle at the base

The rain knocking at the rooftop

so that you have no choice but to play with it in the streets

It wants to soak your hair and attire

Run down your face as if you are the window

Puddles form below your feet.

New poem: The Spread of Spring

March was the cruelest month,

Swiftly sweeping away the every day:

Shuttering stores, gates down, spaces vacant

Except for shelves, seats, and machines unused.

The winds of winter blew across boroughs, 

arrived on jet streams, breathed new reality into our faces.

Vernal equinox turned us toward more sun

Though we are now shadowed behind our own walls.

In our rooms, some shared, some alone,

We must face the many crowns of this corona,

Like misanthropic monarchs taking over vast regions of our lives,

Bodies decimated by its colonization.

Our only power is staying within

Our own fortresses, reaching out

To the world behind masks,

Waiting and hoping for this epoch to fade.

Now it is April, a kinder month.

While thousands fade with the transient tree blossoms,

Thousands extend from stronger roots,

Growing leaves, together forming canopies for the next season.

"Song of the Pandemic" - a poem I wrote inspired by Walt Whitman's "This Compost"

Song of the Pandemic

          “Now I am terrified at the Earth, it is that calm and patient, 

          It grows such sweet things out of such corruptions,

          It turns harmless and stainless upon its axis, with such endless 

                    successions of diseas’d corpses.” - Walt Whitman 

Only four weeks since stores, schools, and restaurants shut down,
since streets, bridges, and tunnels have become vast, open spaces,
and people have ceased standing side by side on subway platforms or
walking within inches of each other on sidewalks.
Only four weeks since we have retreated to our railroad apartments, highrises, and single-family homes,
since the threat of this virus has flooded our waking and sleeping hours.

How long will this road of isolation and six-foot separation be?
How long will we be sequestered from aging parents, friends, colleagues, neighbors, food servers, baristas, mechanics, ticket sellers, street vendors, museum educators?
How many more thousands of people will have to succumb to this disease,
will shiver, cough, quake, or lose their breath to it? 

How can we find joy when we are separated by barriers: face masks, income gaps, air, windows and walls, our own dark clouds?
Fearing each other’s droplets, close contact, invisible contagion,
how can we continue to connect?

In a time where medical staff, hospital workers, first-responders
are fighting to keep people alive and often losing their own lives,
where weddings are cancelled, births threatened,
how can we keep despair from making us self-destruct?

At home, son and daughter fight over headphones, attack each other
With words, with “you’re always so mean”, “you’re always so selfish”.
They slam doors, kick walls, blame the other.
How can we find harmony in our homes day after day of quarantine?

What would Whitman write during this pandemic?
Would he write a Song for Covid-19?
Would he find a way to celebrate himself and all other city dwellers?

Perhaps this can help save us. To write a song.
For the brook that dazzles in the sun,
the box turtles resting on boulders and tree roots.
For the full cherry blossoms bowing to the wind,
the rain tapping against the glass,
robins and sparrows pecking in the grass.

For each nurse and doctor tending to the sick.
the ambulances that transport them to hospitals,
the oxygen and ventilators helping them breathe.
For each fire fighter and police officer who risks their lives
for civilians’ safety.

Let’s sing to grocery stores and grocers.
After two and a half hours of waiting on line at the food co-op,
I was able to fill my cart with oranges, carrots, spinach, bananas
almond butter, hemp milk, berries, tortilla chips, and scores more.
This song is for all those stockers, cashiers, farmers, factory workers, truckers, and innovators that contributed to this possibility.

For delivery workers and all the items that arrive at our doors.
The routers, wi-fi, laptops, various computer programs,
communication technology and all who run them.
For epidemiologists, journalists, and specialists
who inform the people of this disease.

Let’s sing hope for immunity and rebirth,
restoration of health and work,
for meals for the hungry.
Hope for a new leader who will seek truth and unity for all
and solutions rather than scapegoats.

Despite loss, suffering, and barriers,
we are connected by our fundamental needs of love and life.
Our existence is global, bound by borders,
but we don’t need to be divided.
We will not be taken down by a disease.
Instead we will write songs of praise for heart, laughter, sun, and soil,
Our collective pulse reverberates across hospital floors, cemeteries,
virtual classrooms, homes, and all the spaces we inhabit.

        Brook at Clove Lakes Park during this morning's walk with the dog

My Daughter's 2nd Blogpost: Summer Bucket List

My daughter, J, turns 13 tomorrow! In the dimension that didn't come into fruition, we would be in Miami with my mom, alternating between pool and beach, driving down to the Keys. In this dimension, we will be celebrating in simpler ways: homemade waffles, vanilla layered cake, talking to Grandma and Grandpa from their sidewalk, FaceTime with friends. And of course, dreaming. Here's J's post:

Since we are in quarantine and I’m pretty sure everyone is dreaming about coronavirus being gone by the summer and having a magical time, here is my summer bucket list: 

1. Travel to Europe.
2. Go on a road trip with my best friend.
3.  Have a picnic on the beach
4. Build a pillow fort with friends
5. Go to Coney Island 
6. Go to a drive in movie theater
7. Go to Miami
8. Stay out super late 
9. Stargaze somewhere outside the city
10. Finish decorating my room.

Homemade Hummus

Homemade hummus is a staple in my house. I make it from dried beans which I cook in my multi-cooker.

One of my favorite ways to eat this is on toasted gluten-free bread and whatever other vegetables are in my kitchen. For this pictured lunch, I put sun-dried tomatoes (jarred with oil and spices) and crunchy tempeh bacon on top of the hummus, garnished with romaine lettuce and paprika.

To make hummus, first cook dried chickpeas or use cans. 

1. Cook chickpeas from dried beans:
- soak 2 cups of dried chickpeas overnight
- rinse them and add to multi-cooker (Instant Pot or other; I have a Breville Fast Slow Pro 6 qt. Multi-cooker)
- add 7 cups water
- cook on high for 7 minutes

Even though the cooking time is 7 minutes, the overall process including preheating and pressure release takes about 25-30 minutes. After the chickpeas are cooked and cooled down, you can store them in containers (with the liquid) in the fridge for about 3 days. It is useful to have cooked chickpeas in the fridge at all times. It is such a versatile legume. However, it does spoil quickly. 

2. Hummus Recipe
This recipe was inspired by the Wellness in the Schools recipe that either my son or daughter brought home from their elementary school. This is such a wonderful program that teaches kids how to prepare healthy, simple meals and provides them with pamphlets with these recipes. Here is the website: http://www.wellnessintheschools.org/program/tools/recipes/

Hummus:
4 cups cooked chickpeas (drained though save the liquid)
Juice of 1 lemon
1 large or 2 small garlic cloves
1/4 cup tahini (optional)
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp nutritional yeast
2 tsp zaatar spice (this is such a wonderful spice
1/2c olive oil

Begin by putting the garlic in a food processor. After the garlic is finely chopped, add all of the other ingredients except for the olive oil. Begin to process. Through the opening, add olive oil slowly.

The hummus should be thick, yet light. If it is too dry, add some chickpea liquid (called aquafaba).

Taste and adjust seasoning.

Other ways to eat hummus:
- with carrots
- with pretzels
- on grilled vegetables such as zucchini or eggplant
- as a salad dressing - mix hummus with more aquaba and olive oil

"Gifts" of Poetry

The book by my bedside is The Vintage Book of Contemporary World Poetry, edited by J.D. McClatchy. This book has been an integral member of our literary collection. On the inside of the front cover is my husband's name, written some time in the late 1990's when we were both English majors at Hunter College. There are a few colored post-its. The pages are browned, the cover torn and held together by clear packing tape. This anthology has been a part of our life journey ever since we met, traveling with us to Venezuela, Mexico, the Philippines, and many other places we have visited.

Each time I read and reread this book, I travel to various countries and time periods and am able to receive the sensations of each poet's words, witnessing and experiencing the dimensions of certain moments in their lives. The pages are filled with offerings by poets from all over the world, poets not usually taught or included in Norton anthologies. The poems reflect sublime truth and hope in the faces of exile, revolution, and conflict. These poems are about survival and strength of spirit despite the oppressive forces that cannot be controlled. They instill a sense of global worth and connectedness and offer refuge during times of suffering and uncertainty.

In a previous post, I shared a poem from this anthology titled "Reality Demands" by Wislawa Szymborska. This next one is "Gifts" by Shu Ting, a Chinese poet who was forced to leave high school and work in a cement worker during the Cultural Revolution. She started reading and writing poetry at that time, and years later, went on to win several writing awards. This poem is truly a gift.



Gifts

by Shu Ting; translate by Carolyn Kizer

My dream is the dream of a pond
Not just to mirror the sky
But to let the willows and ferns
Suck me dry.
I'll climb from the roots to the veins, 
And when leaves wither and fade
I will refuse to mourn
Because I was dying to live.

My joy is the joy of sunlight
In a moment of creation
I will leave shining words
In the pupils of children's eyes
Igniting golden flames. 
Whenever seedlings sprout
I shall sing a song of green.
I'm so simple I'm profound!

My grief is the grief of birds.
The Spring will understand:
Flying from hardship and failure
To a future of warmth and light.
There my blood-stained pinions 
Will scratch hieroglyphics
On every human heart
For every year to come.

Because all that I am
Has been a gift from earth.

More (Vegan and Gluten Free) Recipes for Success

The last 2 dinners I made were also successes, so I want to share what I made.

Thursday’s Dinner:

Roasted Sweet Potatoes and Cauliflower
This part takes a long time to get on the table but if you prep and plan in advance, it is easy and satisfying.
Preheat oven at 450.

Fill a roasting pan with cubed sweet potato, just one layer flat against the pan.
3 tbsp avocado oil, 1 tbsp maple syrup, salt, and paprika.

Fill another pan with chopped cauliflower.
Add 3 tbsp oil, salt, garlic flakes, paprika, and gluten free bread crumbs. Stir and coat evenly.

Bake at 450 for about 30 minutes, mixing halfway.
Be careful and check on them to make sure they don’t burn. The veggies should be browned and slightly crunchy.

While that is cooking, prep the nachos.

Instant Nachos

Fill a 11x13 Pyrex dish with tortilla chips (I used half a bag of Late July thin and crispy tortilla chips).
Top with:
- can of Amy’s Refried Beans
- 1/2c Goya manzanilla olives
- Violife shredded cheddar cheese
(Or any other combination)

Bake at 375 for 10min.

Then, serve with salsa and easy guacamole (smashed avocado with 1 tsp adobo chipotle paste, 2 tbsp salsa, and salt. I had no limes or cilantro, so I had to improvise).

Serve everything family style. I like to put the roasted veggies on top of my nachos and top with salsa and guacamole.

Friday’s Dinner:

Tofu Tostadas and Roasted Potatoes

Roasted Potatoes

Wash then dice 3-4 Russet potatoes. Leave in bowl of cold water for 10min. Drain.
Line roasting pan with baking parchment paper.
Toss potatoes with 3 tbsp olive oil, taco seasoning, garlic flakes, salt, paprik.
Roast at 450 for 30min, mixing halfway.

Tofu Tostada:

Drain a block of extra firm or firm tofu.
Sautée diced onion and garlic.
Add chipotle paste, salt, and paprika.
Crumble tofu into pan.
Add 1/2c salsa and 1/4c vegetable broth.
Simmer on low for 10-15min.

Brush or spray oil on both sides of tortillas, bake in the oven for 5-8min, turning halfway. They should be crunchy.

Assemble tostadas by topping tortillas with tofu, salsa, sliced avocado.
Serve with a side of roasted potatoes.

Best of all, it was a sunny 60degree day and we ate dinner in the backyard.
We enjoyed our first al fresco family meal of the quarantine time.

The Causes of Stress and A Recipe for Success

It is Day 3 of mandatory quarantine and the official start of remote learning. The statistics are grim; New York State has nearly 26,000 coronavirus cases and 280 deaths. Today, I found out one my closest friend's 45 year old brother is hospitalized with the disease and is in critical condition. My heart is heavy for all of those suffering and all those who are losing loved ones to this invisible antagonist that is indiscriminately ravaging hundreds of thousands of lives across the world. 

Each day with my family is a life's worth of love and joy. While we traverse peaks of moods throughout each day, wavering from anger and dread to calm and humor, we live as graciously and gratefully as possible. We follow our work/school schedules and make sure to sit down and share meals together. We try to agree on family activities such as walking the dog or watching a movie though that can be challenging since the kids often complain about going for walks, and we deliberate for an hour before we can agree on a movie. But these are minor stresses. The stack of students' picture books I have to grade, the video lessons I have yet to plan, the unavailability of time slots for Fresh Direct and Pea Pod grocery deliveries, are all minor concerns. 

Being home, I cook daily. No take out or delivery in two weeks. Not every dish I make is a success but today's dinner was. Lately my daughter has been asking for Chinese food takeout, so I took her suggestion and made General Tsao's Tofu and Broccoli; this perfect vegan, gluten-free recipe is from Minimalist Baker, one of my favorite blogs dedicated to plant-based food. I used the Wildwood brand High Protein Tofu which has a wonderful texture. I served this with sauteed broccoli and jasmine rice. You can prep several things in advance: wash and cut the broccoli, make the sauce, and cut and marinate the tofu. When everything is prepared, this dish comes together easily.  

The tofu was slightly crisp and dense, the sauce the right balance of sweet and salty, the broccoli crunchy and caramelized. The family loved it; my mood is often tied to the children's response to the food I make, and this time, I was uplifted (instead of angered and offended). Our palates were further brightened by cold, sliced navel oranges for dessert. It was a good meal to help us through the rest of Wednesday. 

Peace and love to all.

My 10-year old son's 1st blog post: How are you? What have you been doing?

My son wrote this in response to a writing prompt as part of his remote learning:

I'm good thank you. I've kept myself occupied  with soccer and TV. Also my dog keeps us occupied. My family also is okay. Me my dad and my mom play sports together and me and my sister tackle each other and normal brother and sister stuff still. We take the dog out on walks every morning. She gets kind of scared of loud noises.

Even though I miss school I still text my friends. But I broke my ipod that i called and texted on so i use the ipad now. My mom and dad have a schedule that I follow. That includes social time. And the way i call people without phones is google hangouts

But i am concerned that grocery stores will shut down and we can't get the food that we need.

A Poem to Get Us Through Another Week of the Corona Crisis: "Reality Demands" by Wislawa Szymborska

It has only been a week since the city has been shut down because of the rapidly spreading virus. One week of closed schools, gyms, restaurants, centers for religious worship, stores, and clubs. One week of not seeing friends and family outside the home. One week of small business not getting income, workers losing their jobs, ordinary people of all ages and socioeconomic levels coming down with fevers and coughs, waiting on long lines in hope to get tested, going to hospitals in severe cases and not knowing if they will return to their homes.

Social media no longer seems superfluous. It is helping us socialize from a distance, participate in activities we enjoy, stay connected to our communities. My son has been cheerfully chatting with friends on Google Hangouts. My daughter finds solace as she FaceTimes her friends. I FaceTime my 82-year old mother and take her on walks with me since she cannot leave her apartment, stopping to show her blooming magnolia trees and vibrant yellow forsythia shrubs. My husband and I do yoga classes through Zoom in our attic. All of these technologies help us manage the isolation. Every day this week I have been grateful to be able to stay active and connected to people in my life.

But this is just the beginning. This new phase in existence will continue for months. Only three weeks after the first confirmed case of COVID19 was discovered in NY, there are 15,168 cases, and the number increase exponentially every day. This is daunting and frightening. But we have to learn to accept the present and persist.

Here is a poem that helps me face the difficult reality of the world right now.


"Reality Demands" by Wisława Szymborska
Translated by Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh

Reality demands
that we also mention this:
Life goes on.
It continues at Cannae and Borodino,
at Kosovo Polje and Guernica.

There’s a gas station
on a little square in Jericho,
and wet paint
on park benches in Bila Hora.
Letters fly back and forth
between Pearl Harbor and Hastings,
a moving van passes
beneath the eye of the lion at Chaeronea,
and the blooming orchards near Verdun
cannot escape
the approaching atmospheric front.

There is so much Everything
that Nothing is hidden quite nicely.
Music pours
from the yachts moored at Actium
and couples dance on the sunlit decks.

So much is always going on,
that it must be going on all over.
Where not a stone still stands,
you see the Ice Cream Man
besieged by children.
Where Hiroshima had been
Hiroshima is again,
producing many products
for everyday use.
This terrifying world is not devoid of charms,
of the mornings
that make waking up worthwhile.

The grass is green
on Maciejowice’s fields,
and it is studded with dew,
as is normal grass.

Perhaps all fields are battlefields,
those we remember
and those that are forgotten:
the birch forests and the cedar forests,
the snow and the sand, the iridescent swamps
and the canyons of black defeat,
where now, when the need strikes, you don’t cower
under a bush but squat behind it.

What moral flows from this? Probably none.
Only that blood flows, drying quickly,
and, as always, a few rivers, a few clouds.

On tragic mountain passes
the wind rips hats from unwitting heads
and we can’t help
laughing at that.

My 12-Year Old Daughter's First Blog Post

Day 3 (March 18, 2020) about noon:

At the beginning of the outbreak, I would make jokes about it with friends and act like it wasn’t a big deal. When someone would cough or sneeze, one of us would say, “You have the coronavirus!” and all of us would laugh along with it. When it reached the U.S, we still joked about it, but I was personally a little scared. Then it reached New York, and all of us became pretty paranoid. Everyone started bringing hand sanitizer with them to school, people started to stock up on food, toilet paper, etc. I kept saying I wanted schools to close, but only because I thought I could see my friends every day and watch lots of tv and sleep until 9am. But when the mayor actually closed schools, and my parents sat down and discussed the issue with me, I realized it wouldn’t be as fun as I thought.

For starters, I’m turning 13 on April 10th, which is pretty soon, and I was supposed to go to Miami for the spring break, since my birthday was the first day of it. I imagined tanning on the beach and take beautiful pictures of where I was and getting to celebrate with my friends when I got back. Most of all, I wanted to see my best friend, Eva, who moved to New Jersey at the end of last year and I haven’t seen her in a few months. I wanted to have a sleepover with her and bake a cake and watch a movie and all the fun things you can think of doing with your best friend.

When my parents talked to me, I realized I wasn’t allowed to see any of my friends, and that I should stay 6 feet away from people at all times. I felt ruined. I was even supposed to go to a birthday party this weekend in an indoor water park upstate! Next Monday, I start online school, which I hope won’t be bad. Schools are closed until at least April 20th, but a part of me doesn’t really want to go back to school.

Anyways, my mom made a schedule of things we’re supposed to do in a day. We have to wake up at 8am(but it’s flexible), breakfast is until 9, and then we go on a family walk with our dog until at least 10. Today we went to Cloves Lakes park, but we had to drive there, because my dog gets all scared when we try to walk her. And then when we get back, we have “Academic Time” until 12, and then we have lunch and social time until 1:30. That basically means we can facetime and text our friends or whatever, since we can’t see them in person. Actually, some people I know are allowed out of their house and can see their other friends.

Well 1:30 to 3:30 I think is reading and writing time, and I usually make myself tea or decaf coffee and sit on my couch and just read. I usually don’t write, but I guess I am now. After that we have our choice time, where we can do whatever we want( not exactly whatever I guess, but tv, baking, etc). I bake a lot when I’m bored, over the past few days, I made chocolate chip cookies and a cake. I’m scared I’ll use up all our food supply on it though. I finished the margarine yesterday, but we have another on downstairs thank god.

After choice time we have exercise time, which everyone pretty much forgets about. After that our( me and my brother)parents make us do meditation then dinner and go to sleep. I think we have to be in bed by 8:30. Me and my dad usually stay up and watch a movie. We’ve been having a Star Wars marathon. Oh and I forgot to mention, I’ve had an on and off fever these past couple days, but I don’t feel sick. On Friday my head hurt and I was a little nauseous, but that’s it.

9 Years Later: Family in the Time of COVID19

Again I turn to writing to help me confront, manage, and transform existence into organized words, crafted sentences. Right now, the only thing I can control is what I type into this post.

Last week, the W.H.O. declared the coronavirus a pandemic. This has highlighted the reality of our global existence. Though we are divided by country borders, we are united by the threat of this disease. We are united by our mortality and the delicate line between life and death. We are united by the restrictions and dangers that govern every day.

The mundane is no longer mundane. The daily annoyances of highway traffic, missed trains, and children fighting over the fairness of chocolate chips. The accidents of shattered picture frames, overcooked chickpeas, lost keys. These all seem so slight in the zoomed out point of view of this pandemic. 

Just last Wednesday, it was business as usual at the middle school where I teach. Kids discussing in groups the themes of poems. Kids doing pacer tests in the gym. Kids making Tik Toks at dismissal. That day, this disease was declared a pandemic. Student attendance dropped for the rest of the week. Parents panicked. Teachers worried. Regardless, Mayor Di Blasio and Governor Cuomo chose not to close schools. Over the weekend, teachers and parents petitioned, urged our leaders to protect students, their families, and school staff. Finally, Sunday afternoon, the mayor announced the decision to shut down public schools. That was the prologue.Now, we are in the rising action of this frightening plot mountain. 

It has only been four days since the official mandate of social distancing. Only four days of working from home and homeschooling the kids through Google Classroom and i-Ready. Each day goes by slowly. Going to bed at night always feels like a welcome reward for getting through the day, healthy and alive. In the morning, I wake up with hope that we will get through another day.

This post marks a new beginning. I began writing this blog about ten years ago when my son was newly born, and I was on unpaid family leave from work for 6 months. Now, I am grateful for being home again; this time, it will be with my husband of 17 years, my 10-year old son, my daughter who will turn 13 in 3 weeks, and our 3-year-old dog, Sirius.

I am excited about the renaissance of this blog and look forward to future posts, typing away at this computer, reflecting on mundane, joyful, and troublesome times. Uniting my family's lives with others who read these lines.